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23 Savage Responses For Your Haters

Millionaire Haters

When you declare you’re going to become a millionaire, you’ll get flak.  When you become one, you’ll get more.

Since you know it’s coming, might as well be ready to clap back.  If you need material, here are 23 of the most savage comebacks I can think of.

“I hope you have to sneeze and it just never happens for you.”

“I hope, next time you’re running late, and you can’t find your car keys anywhere?  They were in your hand the whole time.”

“When I die, I wanna be cremated and sprinkled over your pancakes like powdered sugar.”

“I hope, whenever you’re reading an interesting article on your phone and you go to scroll down, you accidentally click on an ad.”

“May your mind race, but only when you have to wake up early the next day.”

“I hope you butt-dial someone you haven’t talked to in years, but before you can press ‘end,’ they answer.  And now you have a tough decision to make.”

“I hope your Bluetooth pairing goes poorly.”

“Next time you’re in a crowded waiting room, I hope your chair makes a loud fart sound – that you can’t reproduce to prove your innocence.”

“If you were half the man your mom is, I’d punch you in the nose for saying that.”

“I hope your buddy bumps your arm and you slosh beer all over your new sneakers.”

“I hope the flight attendant sees that you’re not really in airplane mode.”

“I hope, next time the car in front of you pays for your Starbucks, and you get guilted into paying for the car behind you?  Theirs costs at least five times what yours would’ve.”

“May you find yourself on the outside of an inside joke.”

“I hope, the day after cutting your fingernails too short, you have a tricky plastic package to open.”

“May your pant pockets still be wet, but you don’t notice until you’ve already left the house for the day.”

“I hope YouTube picks the worst thumbnail for each video you upload.”

“I hope you’re in between sizes of that shirt you want.”

“May your first bite of pizza burn the roof of your mouth.”

“I hope, when you shower, the soft water runs out… so the soap won’t lather… and for the rest of the day?  You never truly feel clean.”

“I hope you miss happy hour by 10 minutes.”

“I hope Siri lets you down.”

“You’re the type of guy that’d RSVP to my pet peeve party, then no-show.”

“I hope someone hands you a big bag of buttholes with no handle.”

Cory Johnson: your momma’s neighbor’s side chick’s last Uber Eats delivery guy’s third-favorite blogger. Here’s how he makes millions of dollars blogging without being bothered.