“I don’t know about you but I’m getting pretty sick and f*cking tired of all these fake online business gurus,” rants Growth Cave founder Lucas Lee-Tyson in a YouTube ad I don’t know why I just watched.
“I’m sure you’ve seen ’em by now. They’re standing in front of their Lamborghini Aventador in front of a rented mansion. They wanna show off all this fancy stuff. And I know I look like a college student, but I actually have an online marketing business that’s generating me over a quarter million dollars each and every year and it only requires around seven hours worth of work a week,” he brags.
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“Now. The online marketing gurus out there are going to hear $250,000 a year and they’re gonna call me poor, ya know? Because a brand new Lamborghini Aventador costs $410,000 last I checked,” Lucas continued.
“But to a normal person—someone who is just after financial and time independence, someone who wants to quit their 9 to 5 job, who wants to get back financial stability, and spend their time doing what they want, with their loved ones, and not be chained to a computer or a desk job all day—$250,000 is a pretty large amount of money.”
From there, Lucas whines about how, for the longest time, he was doing everything these evil online marketing gurus said to do, but it just didn’t work. He wasted thousands of dollars and countless hours.
Which is why he swore, if he ever made it—if he ever built a profitable online business he was proud of—he’d “send the elevator back down” and show others how he did it. Hence this godawful ad I can’t unwatch.
But guess what, guys? Later today, Lucas just so happens to be hosting a live online workshop where he’ll reveal exactly how he went from having just $10 in his checking account and being buried in $1,300 in credit card debt, jerking off to Pornhub all day in his college dorm room, to a two-hundred-and-fifty-thousandaire.
And if he can do it, so can you, so you better click the button and cough up that email, bro. Oh, and don’t worry. There’s no experience necessary. You don’t need tech skills. And zero investment in ads, inventory—nothing like that. I guess the business just builds itself, huh Lucas Lee-Tyson?
Anyways. He hopes to see you on the webinar. “It’s gonna be incredible,” he promises. “Talk soon.” That’s how his pre-roll ad on YouTube comes to an end. Now. As you can tell by my sarcasm, by this point, I’m already annoyed.
Why? Dude’s a f*ckin’ hypocrite. His whole ad was just bashing gurus, then he proceeds to act just like ’em. “I was down to my last $10, then this happened. Now I make MD money and I hardly work at all! And you can do it too! It’s free, fast, and easy!”
I’m like, “This narcissist really thinks everyone watching the ad is just gonna give him a pass ’cause he took a few shots at the stereotypical guru.” Nope. Sorry bro. I gotta call you out. Especially when I click over to your squeeze page and it’s loaded with lies.
“Live?” Yeah, no. “Less than seven hours a week?” Highly doubt it. An internet business you can start “as a complete beginner, without hard costs or techie stuff?” Okay, Criss Angel. But hurry, “video is free for the next few days only!” I mean, this motherf*cker’s been runnin’ this ad for like a year already! This was the icing on the cake though:
Tell ya what, if this big bag of dicks can show me one time someone’s paid him 38 Gs for his “methods,” I’ll literally drink his dirty bath water. Deal? PS: “Register now before this is taken offline in the next few days.” (Wow. The poster boy for truth in advertising. Thank you, kid with three first names, for not being a guru. So refreshing. F*ckouttahere.)
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