Larry David Quotes

Lawrence Gene David

Larry David quotes: from clueless to comedic genius, some reflections from LD.

“When you’re not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.”

“Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don’t want to in order to figure out what it is you’re supposed to do.”

“It’s always good to take something that’s happened in your life and make something of it comedically.  If you tell the truth about how you’re feeling, it becomes funny.”

“You write about what you know.”

“I think we’re all good and bad, but good’s not funny.  Bad is funny.  Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.”

“It’s not every day that you get to be affectionate around something – it just doesn’t happen that often.”

“My standard response when people would ask me, ‘What are you gonna do when you get out [of college]?’ was ‘Ah, somethin’ll turn up.’  So it was this pattern of getting a job, then going on unemployment for a while.  I had a job as a paralegal.  I drove a cab.  Until I started doing stand-up, there were some very bleak days.  I was a private chauffeur, driving my limousine, wearing the uniform.  I’m 25 years old.  This is what I’m doing for a living?”

“When I was living in New York and didn’t have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something.  And I’d think, ‘That’ll be good, that’ll be a good spot for me when I’m homeless.'”

“That would’ve been my mother’s dream for me.  Take a civil-service test, work in the post office.”

“I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all.  I was interested in being a great comedian.”

“Acting made me ill at ease, but during one exercise – in which each student was supposed to pick a monologue from a play and reinterpret it – I got a surprise.  As I started putting it in my own words, everybody in the class laughed.  And I thought, ‘Hey, that’s for me.  That’s what I want.  I want a laugh.’”

“I managed to put together an act that I could do, and enjoy, and kill with, on a Saturday night.  But it still was difficult going on.  Because I was taking my life in my hands, I felt.  Every time I went up, I thought I was putting my life on the line.”

“I think the only thing that really worked in my favor, is that, right from the beginning, I really didn’t give a f*ck whether or not the show was a success.  That’s not to say I didn’t want to do good work, but I wasn’t about to let myself be judged by network standards.”

“[On being willing to quit Seinfeld if execs didn’t go along with a particular episode] I really had this thing going on in my head where, ‘Well, if they don’t like it, I’m just going to quit the show.’  I really had this built up in my head where, ‘There’s no way they’re going to do it and I’m just going to quit if they don’t do it.'”

“You grow up, you need something to do!  You need a place to go.  A place to go – that’s what my mother always instilled in me.  You need a place to go.  And you’re worthless unless you have a place to go.  So I needed a place to go.”

“Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.”

“I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy.  The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money – this is the guy who needs to laugh.”

“I guess I still feel that I’m a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that.”

“Well, as you know, I’m really only happy when I’m on stage.  I just feed off the energy of the audience.  That’s what I’m all about: people and laughter.”

“I would say nothing’s changed, except instead of people calling me a bald f*ck, they now call me an old f*ck.  I’m six years older… so all the insults include something old, which is much worse.  I’d kill to be called bald again.”

“I’d like to be alive.  I’ll probably still be writing, if I’m not addled.  More of the same.”

“Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job – he doesn’t need therapy.”

“Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair.  But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.”

“I think golf is literally an addiction.  I’m surprised there’s not Golf Anonymous.”

“All of a sudden I discovered that I’m allergic to caviar.  It was the perfect metaphor for my life.  When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.”

“The only change I can really see is that I don’t have to shop for pants in stores anymore.”

“My life has changed.  I’m not walking around any more wishing I wasn’t me, which was the case at one time.”

“I’m not quite as anonymous as I was.”

“I don’t know how people get through days when they’re not working.  I know people really look forward to retirement – people who have regular jobs – and I’m sure many jobs can be tedious.  This isn’t like that, though.  This is fun.”

“You tolerate me.  You really, really tolerate me.”

“Luck always plays a part for everyone, whether they want to admit it or not.  I was very lucky, and I know it.”

“Okay, I’m happy.  I’m happy.  All right?  I’m happy.”

Related: Jerry Seinfeld quotes.

Cory Johnson: Your mom’s last Uber driver’s stepson’s third favorite writer. Net worth of $11 million dollars. Says, “Watch this sh*t.”