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Steve Martin Quotes

Steve Martin Millions

Steve Martin quotes: hilarious and hard-hitting quotes from one of the greatest comedians of all-time, Steve Martin.

“Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes.  That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.”

“It’s funny that some ideas start with a little ‘What if?’ and then suddenly you’re spending a million dollars to shoot the scene and hoping that it works.”

“The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.”

“Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.”

“It’s pain that changes our lives.”

“Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is.  And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.”

“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”

“You can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.”

“I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.”

“I believe in equality.  Equality for everybody.  No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.”

“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”

“Some people have a way with words, and other people… oh, uh, not have way.”

“Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.”

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”

“Be so good they can’t ignore you.”

“My most persistent memory of standup is of my mouth being in the present and my mind being in the future: the mouth speaking the line, the body delivering the gesture, while the mind looks back, observing, analyzing, judging, worrying, and then deciding when and what to say next.  Enjoyment while performing was rare — enjoyment would have been an indulgent loss of focus that comedy cannot afford.”

“The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.”

“I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.”

“I did stand-up comedy for 18 years.  Ten of those years were spent learning, four years were spent refining, and four years were spent in wild success.  I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a byproduct.  The course was more plodding than heroic.”

“Knowledge of means without knowledge of ends is animal training.”

“All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.”

“What is comedy?  Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.”

“Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it’s almost like a two-man juggling team.  You have to really be in sync.”

“I was always very shy but as I get older I think, ‘What am I being shy for?’  You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.”

Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.”

“Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.”

“There’s no better way to learn something than to learn it in front of an audience.  Your terror drives you.”

“You know that look that women get when they want to have sex?  Me neither.”

“I have found that — just as in real life — imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.”

“I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.”

“I’m not a human being.  I’m despicable and disgusting — but that’s where the money is.”

“Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!”

“I handed in a script last year and the studio didn’t change one word.  The word they didn’t change was on page 87.”

“Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.”

“I love money.  I love everything about it.  I bought some pretty good stuff.  Got me a $300 pair of socks.  Got a fur sink.  An electric dog polisher.  A gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater.  And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.”

“When someone less capable is ahead of me, I am not pleased.  It makes me insane.”

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”

“Awards mean nothing to comedians.  What matters is the audience, how you’re doing — artistically, for the most part — at that moment.”

I take editing seriously.  It’s a joy to edit.  I always hand a manuscript to several editors and can’t wait to get back their notes and see what they’ve said.  I don’t criticize myself for making blunders here and there, because it’s just natural.  You write in chunks, and you may not remember that that sentence you wrote yesterday had the same word repeated three times.  I do enjoy that.  I love the feeling of repairing.  Repairing is really nice.”

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