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Chris Rock Quotes

Christopher Julius Rock

Chris Rock quotes: surprisingly serious insight on money, success, comedy, parenting, and more.

“I learned pretty quickly that it’s your work ethic that levels the playing field.  Education helps, but I’ve met failures who have PhDs.  I believe the hardest worker is always going to win.”

“Learn how to cook.  Read books that will educate you.  Get an education.  Get a career.  And support yourself.  And live in a section of town that isn’t conducive to violence.”

“Success is just hanging out with my kids.  I mean, I always say if you have options, you’re rich.  To me, success is the fact that hey, I just did a movie and maybe I’ll do some stand-up, maybe I’ll write a book, or maybe I will do a play.”

“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last.  Bullsh*t.  Life is long.  You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus.  And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next 50 years.”

“I used to have horrible cars that would always end up broken down on the highway.  When I tried to flag someone down, nobody stopped.  But if I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me.  If you want help, help yourself – people like to see that.”

“I want to really take chances.  I want to be funny in a lot of different ways.  I’d like to be great.  I want to reach for greatness.”

“No matter what happens or how difficult things become, you will eventually feel better.”

“I think it’s better to have ideas.  You can change an idea; changing a belief is trickier.”

“Tomorrow is more sure than just about anything else in the entire world.”

“Smart is knowing if you’re dumb.  Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.”

“Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.”

“I don’t get high, but sometimes I wish I did.  That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse.  But right now there’s no rehab for stupidity.”

“I say everything’s about company.  A gourmet meal with an asshole is a horrible meal.  A hot dog with an interesting person is an amazing meal.”

“My first year on SNL, I made $90,000.  And I bought a red Corvette for $45,000.  I’m thinking, ‘I’ve got 45 grand left!’  Taxes didn’t even come into my equation.  At the end of the first year of making 90 grand… I was 25, 30 in the hole.  We live in this baller, spend-money culture.”

“Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it’s about having a lot of options.”

“I think if I were to get as big as I could get, it does change your mind-state.  I think like the little man.  I think like the underdog.  I don’t want to change that.”

“I see guys who can’t make 10% of what I make, and yet they have four Bentleys, three houses, and four bodyguards.”

“I live way below my means.  If you live below your means, you can turn down stuff all the time.”

“Money is the best lotion in the world.”

“I do what I can do when I can do it.”

“You know you’re rich when you have to drive for a half hour to get to your house once you’re on your property.”

“You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don’t have a lot in common with people.  But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.”

“I’m looking forward to not being tired around my child.  My father was tired a lot.  I want to play ball with my child without having to grab my shoulder because I’m not physically fit.  And I want to really teach my child and become his or her friend.”

“I smile every day, and I definitely didn’t smile every day before.  Kids calm you down, and it’s all about them.  Kids don’t care about your agenda.”

“All people naturally hate.  My kid bites people now.  I didn’t teach my kid to bite anybody.  Kids say mean stuff.  Only through love do we get this evil out of them.  Only through love and structure and discipline do they not hate.”

“Being with my kids is the best, most fun thing; it’s a privilege.  It’s not something I call a sacrifice.”

“If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you’re ahead of the game.”

“I’m never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either.”

“Why do people do yoga?  To clear their minds?  I embrace the clutter in my head.”

“I met so many people after I got rich and famous, and I learned that you can’t ultimately trust people unless they were your friends when you were broke.”

“An entertainer’s reputation as a live act is the most valuable thing he or she can have.  If people know you give good shows, you’ll never be broke for the rest of your life.”

“I had always been – everybody kind of likes comedy.  I was very interested in comedy, beyond just liking it.  I had friends that took apart radios; I wanted to take apart jokes.”

“By the time I was seven or eight, I wanted to be a comedy writer.”

“Standup comedians are attracted to one another because of their faults.  So we’re all kind of messed up in the same way, and once I was around a group of people that saw the world in a different way, it’s like this is where I need to be.”

“You are in a competition.  Every room you’re in, you’re competing with the people that played that room and you have to be at least as good as the other people that played that room.”

“My style is half rapper, half preacher.  My grandfather was a preacher, and when I’m talking to an audience, I am doing the same thing he did – giving people a new perspective on their lives.”

“The thing I try to get across to the writers – and I do a lot of writing, too – is that when I do stand-up, nothing I talk about is funny.  Everything is really sad and tragic and then I make it funny.”

“I can see the humor in just about any situation.  After I lost my dad, I realized that none of us should take things too seriously, because everything except death works itself out.”

“I never really write the jokes.  I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about.  Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like: ‘How do I make this stuff funny?'”

“I don’t write jokes first.  I write down topics.  I think of what I want to talk about, and then I write the jokes – they don’t write me.  And even if you don’t think it’s funny, you won’t think it’s boring.  You might disagree, but you’ll listen.  And maybe even laugh as you disagree.”

“I just remember that whenever I got really mad or passionate, like in an argument, people would laugh, and I’d be dead serious.  It would happen a lot.  So it was like, ‘Gee, I’ve got something here.'”

“For me, anything goes when I pick up a mic.  I’m not trying to hurt people – I try not to get too personal – but I look at myself as a reporter.  If you can report on anything that has to do with pop culture, then why can’t I make jokes about it?  Yes, it hurts.  But I figure that laughter sometimes starts from pain.  You might wince, but then I know that I’m doing my job.  The only thing I can do wrong is not be funny.”

“People are the same wherever you go.  And if they weren’t, they wouldn’t laugh at the same sh*t.”

“The only reaction that frightens me is people not laughing.  It’s extraordinary to me when you get a laugh.  That you can go in front of a bunch of people you never met before, you can say some stuff and they all laugh in unison – that’s amazing.  It’s a miracle.”

“My goals were small.  My goal was to become a big enough stand-up that I wouldn’t have to do radio.  I could sell out a club, which is like 300 seats.  If I got big enough, I could sell before I got there, and I wouldn’t have to get up at six in the morning to do radio.  That was pretty much the dream.  I had no idea I’d be playing Madison Square Garden or anything.”

“My dad worked every day.  I didn’t get into show business to work every day.  So the fact that most days I get to like, spend really good time with my kids – that’s what success is to me.”

“I want my name to be a brand in comedy.  I hope my name stands for comedic excellence.”

“I literally don’t know what I’m going to do next.  That’s successful.”

“The only plan I have is to not do anything I don’t want to do – and to never work just for money.”

You should also read Eddie Murphy’s quotes before leaving.

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