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Tim Allen Quotes

Timothy Alan Dick

Tim Allen quotes: “The Toolman” tells us his thoughts on life.

“If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.”

“Never give up!  Never surrender!”

“If you keep collecting rejections, they see you have perseverance and eventually someone will have something.”

“Sitting still is sitting still.  If you wanna let life come at you, that’s fine, but I’d rather go out swinging.”

“Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of, ‘Yeah, we might have to reboot.'”

“If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done.  It’s okay to say, ‘God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.’  Then it kind of balances out.”

“When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.”

“Women now have choices.  They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children.  Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work or prison.”

“Men look at women the way men look at cars.  Everyone looks at Ferraris.  Now and then we like a pickup truck, and we all end up with station wagons.”

“All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support, encouragement or a pit crew.”

“Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they’re fun, they do things together, they’re best friends.  Kids learn by example.  If I respect mom, they’re going to respect mom.”

“My political party is that I’ve never liked taxes, period, so whatever that means.  I don’t like paying people who never seem to do what I would do with my money.”

“Being wealthy when no one else is is like being the only one at the party with a drink.”

“Most of my childhood and my teenage years I didn’t know what I wanted to do.  What I did know, though, was that as a kid I was always drawing cartoons and characters.  I was creating characters and I couldn’t stop myself from doing it.  I loved drawing so much.”

Home Improvement was going to be two stars in a lovely adult romance.  It turned out to be this show about the ape-man who blows up sh*t.”

“None of that sh*t on Home Improvement was unfaithful.  I love cars, I love tools, I love building sh*t, I like being a good family man.”

“I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects.  Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity.  Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.”

“It’s true; I have a skill and it’s… it’s related to acting, it’s not related to auditions, it’s not related to studios, not related to public whim.  It’s whether I’m funny or not and whether I can entertain people.”

“It gets into my passion about stuff.  Both in my misunderstanding and my anger.  My anger about simple stuff.  My mother and grandma will say I swear too much.  That’s about it.  My act doesn’t involve a lot of sexual material, nothing squeamish.  Some body function references, but it’s basically political and sometimes religious in nature.”

“When you’re six or seven, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life.  I really responded to my father.  And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.”

“I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid.  I’ve never gotten over it.  One day my father was there, the next he wasn’t, and there was no going back.  There’s no ‘I’ll be better, God.  Now I know I shouldn’t eat candy.’  As children, your world is yours.  That day taught me that it’s really not your world.  Somebody else is in control – fate, God, whatever it is.  It is not your show.  And the show can be brutal.  Brutal in its coldness.  Brutal in its love and affection.  Sh*t can hit you straight between the eyes and you never saw it coming, even when you were looking straight ahead.”

“Eventually you gotta understand that there’s powers outside of you no matter how smart and smug you think you are.  And that’s a spiritual lesson, too.  I think one of the maladies is you gotta understand at one point this ain’t your show.  And prison taught me that in a brutal fashion.  And then as I grew older in a spiritual fashion I realized this isn’t my show.  It’s a river and things are coming at you and you flow with it, you fight it all you want, you can swim upstream if you want, you can stop the canoe and get out if you want, but if you go with it… you can’t stop it.  There’s a momentum to this.  And I said that’s really what I learned from all that.  I don’t have the real answers.  My best thinking got me in all this trouble.  So my best thinking is very suspect.”

“The world’s a mean place.  It’s unfair, then it’s fair.  It’s hateful, then it’s loving.  It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.”

“I’m a glib thinker and talker, but I read a lot.  I know a little about a lot of things.  My mom never thought that was a good thing.  But as I get older I’m starting to know a medium about a lot of things.  You know, physics, science and industry and engineering.  I’m fascinated by most things and I can carry on a conversation, and literally an interesting conversation, about a lot of stuff.”

“So I’m there to entertain.  I’m not there to make a political statement or anything like that.  I’m there to entertain.”

“I’m 68% joyous, aiming for 70%.  I’m also extremely grateful for where I am today.”

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