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Hey Bob From HR

Bob Mmmkay

If you could not use your work email to opt-in to my list – you know, the one with the f*cking auto-reply that keeps spamming me every morning? – that’d be great.  Mmmkay?

Remember: you wanted my emails.  Hence why you signed up.  I didn’t ask for your company’s sh*tty auto-replies.

You inconsiderate, foul-smelling mongoloid.  You probably put the milk back in the fridge with only a drop left in it too.  You probably park crooked at Costco.  Now Doris has a door ding.  You big monster.

Get your life together, Bob.

Besides, don’t you have work to do… at work?  Here’s an idea: get a Gmail like every other adult, sign up with that, and read my emails in your spare time.

Actually, nah.  Just unsubscribe.  You’re dead to me Bob.

Related: charity disparity.

Cory Johnson: your second cousin’s neighbor’s boyfriend’s side chick’s third-favorite writer. Believes, to stay woke, one needs a good night’s sleep. Worth $11 million. Calls THIS the best way to become a millionaire today.